We've all been there before, a guy approaches you and he may not be your type but you think 'Why not? How bad could this be? Then you give him the digits 555-439-5555. Next thing you know, you're going out on a date and things are going fine. You never think to ask what's his FICO Score, is he even financially literate, does he owe the IRS? The list can go on but I think you get the point. You're trying to put your best foot forward and you don't wanna be too invasive, not on the first date, and deep down inside you want a second date. So, he takes you home (we'll hopefully you parked at the mall or at your homegirl's house to be safe) and you head home ranting to your BFF about your wonderful date.
Fast-forward to a few months and you guys are still talking but things don't quite add up. You're now starting to wonder how much does Mr. Maybe Right make and what proof has he shown you for this to be true.
Sis, here's the deal, more so what I've learned. Relationships come down to balance and meshing together well. I can't date a broke man and you shouldn't either. Broke men act weird when their money is right.
And here's why you shouldn't date a broke man:
1) Their Emotions Fluctuate
Look, when you're broke and poor, sometimes your emotions depend on how much money you have. In this category, men and women operate differently. We as women can have a great day with $2.39 in our pockets but a man just can't. They start having attitudes and taking it out on you and now every little thing upsets them until payday. SMH. I've been there and this can mess up your relationship and the 'getting to learn you' phase. And who wants to be with someone who always has an attitude.
2) They'll Begin To Hold Secrets
Oh, Lord! Help me. While they have you, they want to impress you so they try to act like they have themselves together and things aren't adding up. They'll begin to hold secrets and they'll eventually come off suspicious. Look, I've dated a guy before who held things from me because he was trying to clean up his credit (nothing wrong with this at all) but his stories didn't add up because he was trying to impress me rather than be honest with me. Long story short, I thought another girl was involved and walked away.
3) Poor Judgement
Think about it. This goes beyond finances. It boils down to good judgment. If you're making bad decisions on your day-to-day decision on advancing yourself, it's going to eventually trickle down to your finances and this WILL affect your future. Good judgment requires a strict path and focus. Deciding to hang out every night with your 'boys' and spending money on outfits, lounges, drinks and hookah experiences won't help you stay disciplined and ready to fund your business, that rental house you want to buy or help pay down your debt.
4) No Real Future Plan
I hate to be the one to say it but one bad decision leads to another. Sis, a broke man typically doesn't have a plan. And this could be the worse of them all. Don't beat me up over this but his character and his drive must go hand-in-hand. If he can't express his plans to you of how he's going climb that ladder then most likely he can't see himself getting out of his current situation. A man with no vision can't possibly lead you in a relationship or even to God. How do you know, if he doesn't have a plan for his future? Sit down and have a conversation with him about the future. Any driven person shows passion in their words and actions. Watch his daily routine (re-read #1) and observe how he operates. Sooner or later, you'll be able to see how serious he is about you and his future. Oh, and make sure you're included in his plans as well. See if he brings you up.
5) Doesn't Have Himself Together
Whether you're in your 20's, 30's, 40's or older we all know that one man who got himself together and age doesn't play a factor. A real man who's determined to win will find a way to eat. If he can't meet you where you are then he shouldn't have your time. By this I mean, don't lower your standards. If you have a car, then he should have a car. If you have a house/apartment then you should expect the same from him. Now, I understand that we all go through life and it happens to the best of us but pay attention to how he manages his problems and gets over them. Does he look to you or others around him to constantly save him when he falls on hard times? Does he have a savings to pull himself up? Think about it, he should be able to provide for you and you should be treated WELL, not just good.
6) How Does He Manage His Finances?
This is the part that we all let side and I'll be the first to tell you that I'm guilty. Ask yourself these hard question. Are you paying for the dates? If so, IT'S NOT OKAY! Does he ask you for money? Gas money? A real man that has his finances together pays his bills and doesn't come to you for rent, electricity, food, etc. He takes pride in providing because he knows he can and he wants too. If he can't pay his bills and also take you out the same week, he's broke and he shouldn't be dating anyone. You can try and try to make this work but eventually, you're going to get fed up. Trust me. I've been there. This all goes back to him making good decisions. Is he a good steward of his money? Not sure, watch how he flows and if he complains about things he can control. If he isn't making enough does he blame the world or is he actively looking for a second job (nothing wrong with multiple streams of income)?
From my experience, dating a broke man isn't fun. They operate out of order because their finances aren't in order and it will affect your relationship. It's hard but I've come to realize that it isn't for me with all the money moves I'm trying to make this year. This experience for me was good because it allowed me to up my standards and ask more out of men. I'm not meeting them at the bottom, they need to rise to my level.